It’s marvellous that during an effort to turn out she’s standard Meghan Markle is not going to best have to sit down the UK citizenship check but additionally stump up greater than a grand for the visa price.
But is that really the perfect means to come to a decision whether or not to let an American in, by no means thoughts upload her to the Royal Family from which place she will affect the complete country in the case of type, charity campaigns and enamel whitening?
The citizenship check is meant to teach foreigners how Britain works, however does so with out allowing them to know what they are in fact letting themselves in for.
A migrant from Togo, for instance, is also unaware that they are signing up to a life-time of sour World Cup disappointments. An Ã©migrÃ© from Bangladesh would possibly suppose we might welcome a extra original curry. Or any individual from Australia is also below the influence we discover them captivating.
The fact of the subject is that no longer best must Americans get a check all of their very own, Meghan is accepting a job the place moderately actually everybody will likely be a critic. She needs to be informed, speedy, no longer least as a result of when the visa man asks for a grand she would possibly suppose he needs a piano.
So right here, for the enlightenment of Meghan specifically and Americans generally, is the UK Citizenship Test for Alien Princesses.
1. How do you are making a cup of tea?
a) Pour boiling water over dried leaves, permit to brew for a minimum of two mins, upload milk and sugar to style
b) Chuck it in Boston Harbour and hope for the perfect
c) Ring for the butler
2. Define ‘cardigan climate’ and provide an explanation for why the Suits actress on this Instagram publish isn’t dressed in trousers
three. What is the perfect means to reply when someone cuts in entrance of you in a queue?
b) Pointed sighing
c) Silent fume
four. Repeat after me: Alu- MIN -ium.
five. Herbs. Not erbs. Herbs.
6. Or-e- GAH -no. GAH. GAH.
7. Who ended slavery first?
a) The UK in 1772, 1778, 1833, and 1843
b) The USA in 1865 after a protracted argument it nonetheless hasn’t settled
eight. Is grit a foodstuff for any individual of sound thoughts?
nine. Where is the perfect position to get fags after 11pm?
10. Are pancakes for:
b) Shrove Tuesday
SUPPLEMENTAL: IF YOU THINK IT ACCEPTABLE TO PUT BACON ON PANCAKES YOU WILL BE DEPORTED FORTHWITH.
THE SAME GOES FOR SYRUP ON BACON.
11. What is a pussy?
a) A weakling
b) An appropriate funny story at Mrs Slocombe’s expense
12. Would you dunk a biscuit:
a) In a cup of tea
b) In gravy
WARNING: Answering b) will imply you’re despatched to the Tower
13. If you hit a googly with a work of picket, are you:
a) Committing legal attack
b) Playing cricket
14. Men. Vests.
15. Draw an image of a person in pants and suspenders.
16. What is a pavement pizza?
a) Artisanal Italian meals from a side road supplier
b) A flooring ornament to be discovered outdoor town centre nightclubs after 2.30am
17. Name this music. “Naaaa, na na, na na na naaaaaa…”
18. Someone who says “dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner” is:
a) Hungry and impolite
b) Running round a playground with simply the most sensible button in their coat executed up and their hands no longer in the sleeves
19. Queen Elizabeth II jumps out of a helicopter. This is:
a) Bloody good
b) Really being worried, she’s 91
20. A terrorist breaks into Buckingham Palace and threatens to shoot the Queen or a corgi. Obviously you save the canine, proper?
b) What? No!
21. Would you prefer a cup of tea?
a) Not really in the temper
b) I might by no means say no
There’s no chance of Meghan ever failing the half-arsed check the executive will set her, but when she can not get greater than 75% of THESE ones proper it will imply her time in the UK will likely be complicated, painful and brief.
She’s no longer best were given to be one among us, she’s were given to constitute us – and we don’t need to be represented by way of a coffee-drinking bread-dunker who can not discuss the Queen’s English, is afraid to ask for fags and does not know the perfect Beatles lyric is “NAAAAA”.
Everything else we will be able to most definitely are living with. But the tea is non-negotiable.